Friends, family, nonexistent pets, I bid you farewell. We are fast approaching what the Mayan calendar calls the end of the world. Whether you believe this “myth” or not, it brings up a lot of good questions for the end of time. And these questions all lead me back to one point- I would not be ready for an apocalyptic event to occur in the near future. I’m forgetful and not always prepared for normal life… so I have no idea how I could handle the end of all humanity.
I mean, really, how am I supposed to finish my bucket list in this kind of a time crunch? I guess a few things can be crossed off with the catastrophic events that are set to occur (crazy stuff likes 6 tornadoes at once, a hurricane floating up the Mississippi River, etc). However, more important than my bucket list are the great unanswered questions of the world. For example, is Tupac really dead? When you make eye contact with someone at the opposite end of a hall do you wave twice? Are zebras really dangerous? Is the matrix real and do they speak the “dead” language of Latin? Why doesn’t Santa Claus come to my house? Oh wait. I guess that last one is already answered for me. I have Hanukkah Harry anyway. But either way, these are the hard hitting questions the human race needs answered before doomsday.
I bet at this point you’re either scratching your chin in agreement, trying to think of how random of a person must think of these things, squinting in disapproval, or all of the above. Well before you’re so quick to judge, think of all of the serious fleeting questions you’ve thought of that weren’t answered. I bet you have a few.
In all seriousness though, think how much humankind would miss out on if the world was ending in t-minus 10ish days after this article is printed. WHOA, whoa wait a minute. Does that make this my last article? Oh no. Well whatever your reason may be, we can all pretty much be in agreement that it would suck if the world ended. For those who are juniors and below, it means never being able to go to Prom. For the entire student body, potentially no wedding or family. Science will never find the cure to cancer, AIDS, cystic fibrosis, among others. Civilians never getting a chance to walk on the moon. No complete world peace. This is insane.
While the idea of the world ending does seem rather scary, I can tell you that I believe 100 percent that the world will not be ending soon. Being the extremely reliable source I am, you should feel relieved. Then again, there still is the impending doom global warming poses… so …that’s a bummer. But anyway, just take a load off and watch that new episode of “How I Met Your Mother,” and don’t worry about a hurricane in Missouri just yet. Besides, when an ocean forms in Missouri that a hurricane could take place in, unless the hurricane somehow floats up the Mississippi, we’ll have known for a while we have trouble.